Coffee Is On...

A new era has begun. She, the reason for our days and nights, is 7 weeks old. She is Ryley.

Today is not only her 7-week birthday but the first day/night of sleeping in her crib for her first time. Coupled with a schedule we started new this morning to help regulate her eating and sleeping, it's a big day! Everything went according to plan today and then...

I put her down for what I thought was "for the night" an hour ago. There the monitor sat on my nightstand - Nothing more than a big, mean snake hissing at me... daring me to get out of bed. Just mocking me and waiting patiently for the moment to jump and bite me. I just stared right back at it for 15 minutes. I finally closed my eyes to give this big, mean snake a chance and opened them back up just as quickly. As I did - BAM!, the red lights jumped to the highest they would go and made a SNAP sound...

This can only mean one thing. She's without it; the pink, plastic bane of my existence...

...her pacifier...

Now it's up to me to decide. Do I let her fuss it out and calm herself back to sleep on her own, as seemingly everything I've read indicates, to break the "paci" habit early? If I want her to learn to sleep without the paci, I should start with 5 minutes of her being on her own and being upset... then move to 10 the next night (although I might edit that and make it 7.5). OR do I run to her side the moment she seems a little distraught and save the day? (Night, in this case.)

The clock read 11:13 pm... 5 minutes... 11:18... 11:18... will it EVER be 11:18!?

11:15. Seriously, this has to be some sort of torture they don't put on the news in some 3rd world country. Jody rolls over and feeling how anxious I've already become, starts holding my hand. I feel the tears start welling up but I choke them back. I mean, I have to be strong, right!?

11:16.

11:17 - Feet are over the side of the bed and I start to get up... I can't stand it any longer. The fussing has grown to cries and the cries have gotten louder with every single second... The seconds that go so hauntingly slow. Jody holds me back and reminds me to stick to my goal and that she is just fine adding, "She could stand to strengthen up her lungs a little." He chuckles squeezing my hand a little tighter. I would have normally found this cute and a little humorous but not even so much as a slight corner-smile graced my lips.

11:18!!!! FINALLY! I dash to her crib across the house and try to soothe her before having to possibly give in and slip her the small plastic doo-dad that makes all the world right in this little lady's life.

The tears start pouring down as I have become beside myself after only 5 minutes of trying to help her figure it out on her own. What does this even really mean? Who really ever has it figured out; Other than those that think they do, anyway?

I can't worry about that now... I have a small catastrophe to tend to still!

She does not calm after a minute or two of back-patting and tearful humming I manage to get past my tear-drained throat. I give her the paci. For tonight, the snake and the paci win - But only for tonight. Tomorrow is new.

Jody comes in and is surprised to see me sobbing and has begun now comforting me while I'm comforting the baby. I'm not sure who needs it more at this point. I cry as he leads me out of the nursery to let her be and try to get herself back to sleep. The last thing she needs is mommy's sobs in ear-range. I cry on his shoulder a little bit longer and he heads off to bed while I find myself standing in the kitchen pacing... I start to go in one direction and think of something else and head that direction before turning back around towards the original thought.

Do I check on her? No. Do I make a pot off coffee? No, I should blow my nose but I'm probably better off just going back to bed and trying to get some sleep again. Wait, I think I heard her again... I better get a pot of coffee ready just in case.

And so it goes.

Coffee is on...